I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
