just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize