how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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