I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
