I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
