Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
