So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
