His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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