i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
