You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
