My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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