Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.