Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
