she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
