i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.