the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
