I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.