i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
