Will you blow on my dice?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.