took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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