I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?