if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO