Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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