Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize