i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize