I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize