I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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