I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know her cup size but not her name....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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