burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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