We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
