I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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