so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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