Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize