Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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