Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
