bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
