So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
