Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
