So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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