I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
