i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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