I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
