You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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