The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
