a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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