I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
