We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am mentally ready for anal.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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