Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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