i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He shit in the fireplace
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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