no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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