At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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