Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
