Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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