I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
