would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
