did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I die, sorry about rent.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
