And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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