Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
