i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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