Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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