It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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