you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
