i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
