She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
