just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
