dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I want is dick and wine.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
