is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
