Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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