3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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