Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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