u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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