I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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