he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
