i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
