So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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