Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
