Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Welp...herpes.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
