your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
