I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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