So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When are your genitals available?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
