ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
